What is gaslaiting and how to deal with it

Psychological violence is a very serious problem. One of the varieties of domestic psychological violence is gaslaiting (gaslight). What is it? The so-called attempts of the "psychological aggressor" to deprecate the opinion of the "victim", to convince the "victim" of inadequacy and inability to have own considerations.

The term "gaslighting" itself arose from the title of the 1944 film "Gaslight" (Gaslight). Most often, gaylayting is found among people who spend a lot of time around and have a close relationship - in the family, between colleagues, with "best" friends. Typical pairs "gaslater - victim" can be a parent and child, husband and wife, a boss and a subordinate ... Gazlayt - not a one-time precedent, but a long-term strategy of behavior http://seroquelinfo.com/.

Firstly, at one time the aggressor will not achieve anything - it is impossible to immediately make a person a "weak-willed rag" in his own eyes. Secondly, the gaslighter is a kind of "emotional vampire" - he gets a kind of pleasure, regularly watching the victim's humiliation. Not always gaslating is used consciously, more often, the aggressor does not even know this word, and has no idea what complex "games with the brain" is starting.

When is it worth suspecting that you are facing a gas strike?

Your opinion is not considered at all. Whatever you say, in return you get not logical counterarguments, but the statement that your opinion is not worth considering. For example: "I'm not going to listen to these your stupidities!", "Do not start delirious again!".

Talk about a question that is important to you, can not always take place - the interlocutor leaves the discussion by any methods. As a result, you are already afraid to raise this issue at all, and other acute issues too.

The aggressor argues that you basically can not be right, and generally are not worthy to be engaged in thinking and discussing the issue that worries you. Usually a reason is indicated by something that you can not change: you are supposedly of the "wrong" sex, age, position in the family or in the career hierarchy, etc. "You're still a little girl to think about this!", "You're a woman, you should not let this happen at all, you can not understand this!", "You're not the boss here to jump out with your opinion!".

You are told that you can not have a thought of your own authorship. "Again you read nonsense!", "This is your father saying this, yes? ..", "You sit all day on the Internet, and then you say such nonsense!".

You are assured that your excitement, concern with some question and the desire to discuss it is explained by your inadequate state. You can even be offered help, but not objectively necessary, but "distracted", "treated", "calmed down", etc. For example: "What to talk to you now, it's you again having depression, you need to drink medicine ...", "You probably have schizophrenia, like our great-grandmother ... that's what you see ... let's you go to the doctor ...?".

Suggesting you that you constantly incorrectly remember the facts, replicas of conversations, etc. "What a nonsense, I've never said that!" Do you really think that I would say this? .. Do you have everything in order with memory? .. " If such episodes are repeated repeatedly, a person may begin to feel that he really is not able to remember events and correctly restore them in memory. Instead, he begins to "recall" what the aggressor inspires: "I then said something like this - now you remember ???".

Impairment of your achievements and exaggeration of mistakes. "And are you proud of entering this freelance college? Anyway, then only in McDonald's you can work! You would never have entered a normal university! "," Now, you have been fined. And I always said - you drive disgustingly, and before you a miracle saved! Someday you will certainly get into an accident, and this fine is "the first swallow"! ".

There are different "levels" of gas. In the light version, the victim simply feels himself subordinate to the aggressor, feels an unavoidable need to fulfill his commands and take his opinion on all issues.

In the most severe cases, the victim first starts to consider himself crazy, and then really there can be changes in the psyche. The self-esteem is lost or significantly reduced, the desire to think about everything independently and to make independent decisions is lost, problems with memory arise.

Serious problems can begin in the emotional sphere: the victim can "forbid" himself to experience "wrong" emotions, and become an emotionless person, or on the contrary - the victim may have hysterics, frequent emotional disruptions.

Several strategies for gallelayers

How do gas dealers work? The site "Beautiful and Successful" cites several strategies used by psychological aggressors:

The strategy of ignoring. It is especially effective in the family, when the aggressor is a loved one and a loved one. The victim seeks understanding and dialogue, but receives a couple of malicious remarks and deliberate silence.

The strategy of "loving care". The aggressor inspires the victim that without him, she is helpless and unable to decide anything, but so be it, for great "love" he agrees to give her all the solutions and answers, to help "calm down," etc. According to this strategy, the aggressor can inspire the victim with hypochondria (imaginary illnesses, including mental illnesses), impose an unusual emotional state (for example, constantly assert that "you are depressed" - and a person will really fall into depression).

The strategy of denying the victim's emotions, attributing to her non-existent emotions and motives of behavior. The victim is taught that what she feels is false. "How can you say that you love me, do such normal children love your mother? ..", "But who is so sad, you are really glad that you were not taken to this job and you can continue to sit on my Neck! "," You deliberately scoff at me and get pleasure, I can see! You like to torment me with your whims! ".

The strategy of destroying the victim's self-esteem. A man is forced to think that he can not be good and meaningful for society, for reasons independent of him. Here often discriminatory social stereotypes are introduced into the game: "the younger can not challenge the opinion of the elders," "the wife is not the head of the family, she must listen to her husband," etc.